Shattering of a Soul
by TalesOfTheLoneWriter
Summary: Summary: When Remus doesn't return from a spy mission, the whole order is left wondering and searching. After two months, Bellatrix reveals the secret- they've had him the whole time. However, when Sirius finds him, the torture method is found. And it's not physical. Can Sirius repair his best friend's mind? Or is it the end of Moony? Au-Sirius survives the battle at the ministry.
1. Lost and Forgotten

**Summary: When Remus doesn't return from a spy mission, the whole order is left wondering and searching. After two months, Bellatrix reveals the secret- they've had him the whole time. However, when Sirius finds him, the torture method is found. And it's not physical. Can Sirius repair his best friend's mind? Or is it the end of Moony? Au-Sirius survives the battle at the ministry. During Ootp. Inspired by RedvsBlue season 10**

* * *

It was silent in 12, Grimmauld. Despite the Order being there, along with Sirius and the Trio, it felt dark and mourning. Dumbledore himself wasn't his usual cheer- instead he was grim, speaking in a tone that only meant bad news.

Remus Lupin, who had gone out on a mission, didn't make it back on the date he was supposed to. It wasn't until the battle at the ministry that Sirius found out why.

Two months after Remus had left, Bellatrix had bragged to Sirius as she was battling him. She bragged about "finally breaking moony" until Sirius had finally cursed her in anger as he realized what she meant.

After collecting the rest of the death eaters who weren't dead, Moody had finally got an answer out of Greyback. Remus was back in Malfoy manor, along with a couple of others who had gone missing that year.

When Sirius and Mad-eye had gotten there, even Mad-eye had to be shocked at the sight. Remus was the only one left alive, but he was far from being okay.

The thing that hurt Sirius the most, however, was the fact Remus did not recognize him. Remus was shy, trying to move away when Sirius had tried to go in for a hug, and not seeming like he had been physically touched. In fact, he seemed younger, so much younger. His clothes were clean and the only noticeable scars were the 3 permanent ones on his face.

Mad-eye and Dumbledore both ran diagnostics on Remus, coming to the conclusion that "obliviate" was not the reason for Remus not recognizing anyone and not having any recollection of who he was.

Dumbledore did something he would regret later, but he looked into Remus's very open mind, and saw the real truth.

It wasn't until that Dumbledore had realized what happened. He informed Mad-eye, and the pair moved downstairs to tell the rest.

"Remus's case is very difficult. It seems that he has done the very worst a wizard could do to them selfs, and that is to break apart the mind." Hermione was one of the only ones to get it at first, gasping.

Sirius only slightly knew what Dumbledore was talking about, nodding his head for Dumbledore to continue.

"They put him through the most mentally unstable situations. When the soul and brain are through to much, the wizard can choose to break apart certain aspects of them selfs to preserve sanity."

"The memories they used on him were fake- they were tests to see how easily he would break down enough to get information out of him with out physically hurting him."

Dumbledore paused as the group took in the information. Sirius had a firm grip on the chair that Harry was sitting in. Molly had first refused to let the underage wizards in, but after a quick look at the group, had stopped all arguments.

"But instead, Remus broke apart his mind-to save the rest of us."

Dumbledore took a breath, then spoke again.

"When a wizard breaks apart their own mind, it leaves them in a state of confusion and pain. Remus reached this after about two months, the longest anyone has ever survived mental pain such as his."

"He first removed his own intelligence. This would allow him to be in a state of unknowing so he couldn't comprehend what was happening to him. "

"Sir?" Harry interrupted, his eyes glassy. "When you say he removed his intelligence-"

"Not in the way you think, Potter. He still has common knowledge, and he still would be considered smart- but not even close to what he was before." Mad-eye said, his voice gruff but filled with a uncommon tone from him-grief.

"When anger and other emotions seeped in-" Dumbledore continued, "He removed that too. His trust went next, until he was left with only memories."

"It was about a week before finding him that he did it. He couldn't handle the pain of seeing the ones he loved suffer, so he removed his own memories of his loved ones, and the fake memories that they hade made to torture him. He still can remember his life- but it just seems like the people he loved and cared for are cut out. He did it to preserve the last bit of sanity he has left"

"So, if you asked him if he was a prefect in his fifth year at Hogwarts, he would say yes. If you asked him if he was a werewolf, he would say yes. However, if you asked him who his best friends were in school, he would be unable to answer, since he cut those memories out."

"If you asked him his name- he would be stumped. He knows he has a name, but everything that made Remus Lupin, well, Remus Lupin, had been removed."

The whole table was silent. As they soaked the terrible information in, Sirius asked one last question.

"Can we get all of those back? His intelligence, the strong emotions, and his memories?"

Dumbledore was silent for awhile before answering.

"Maybe. He removed a lot, and I am sure they are still at the manor, but I cannot say if we do find them, if Remus could mentally handle any of it."

"The reason he looks younger was not his doing, though. It was his body and soul working to make a last attempt to make him happy before he removed his memories. He seems to be about 16, Sirius. That can be a starting point for healing him."

Dumbledore left with the rest of the order who were not staying there, and Sirius, who had been keeping in his pain since seeing Remus again, silently left, walking up the stairs to where Remus was.

* * *

Remus sat alone in the dark room. He didn't know why he was here, the Malfoy's would be very angry if he was out. He knew what happened last time he tried, and he paid for it in the form of death.

Well, he didn't die. The first time he tried to get out, a man with curly, medium length hair had died. He remembers being devastated and his heart hurt. He remembers crying. He just couldn't remember why he was upset about the man. He cant even feel that emotion now, he realized.

After that, watching death seemed easier. Less painful. He couldn't understand why the people were dying, he just knew it was terrible.

The next person to go was a pretty pink-haired woman. He remembers feeling something for that woman. He remembers getting angry after she had died. He remembers hitting, kicking at everyone until he was strapped down. He remembers the "Bella" girl telling him he was being punished.

A lot of people died that day. A boy with glasses and dark messy hair, along with a bearded man had died. He tried crying after that, he really did, but he just couldn't feel anymore.

After a week, he couldn't remember the names of all the people who died anymore. He couldn't remember why he even felt deep pain for their deaths after they had died.

He remembers being rewarded after that. He was allowed clean clothes and an wolfsbane potion. The transition to werewolf seemed easiest that night, he had realized, compared to the night the curly hair man died.

Then the next night, two men showed up. He was initially shy at first, despite not feeling anything anymore, he did not want others to die.

It wasn't until one of the men had tried hugging him that he realized they were here to take him away. He did not know why, but he went along with it anyway.

Then he realized the people who he saw before being taken upstairs looked- odd. He knows something about the people- and the girl who had pink hair seemed to really make him wonder what was happening.

He didn't know any of them, yet, he felt like he had seen them before. Maybe he had seen them if they were at the manor? The Malfoy's loved parties, so he may have seen them then?

As he was left upstairs, he allowed himself to wander around. After about an hour, he heard a soft knock at the door, and a curly haired man walked in.

"Hello, Remus. How are you feeling?" The man asked. Remus was taken aback, this was the first time since he found himself at Malfoy manor- some was talking to him, not at him.

"Fine, I guess. Who are you again?" Remus asked, sitting across the man and cocking his head to the side. The man's smile deflated a bit before answering.

"It's Sirius. Sirius black-but you can call me Padfoot." Remus raised an eyebrow at the last part.

"Padfoot? That's a strange name"

"Well, it is, isn't it? Did Dumbledore tell you-" Sirius began, his voice suddenly more forcefull.

"That I really do know all of you, and that I just can't remember? Yeah, he told me."

Sirius nodded. "Well, just for the record, we call you Moony."

Remus laughed a bit. "I guess it has something to do with the full moon?" Surround smiled.

"Yeah, mate. It does."


	2. The introduction

**Summary: When Remus doesn't return from a spy mission, the whole order is left wondering and searching. After two months, Bellatrix reveals the secret they've had him the whole time. However, when Sirius finds him, the torture method is found. And it's not physical. Can Sirius repair his best friend's mind? Or is it the end of Moony? Au-Sirius survives the battle at the ministry. During Ootp. Inspired by RedvsBlue season 10**

* * *

That night Remus lay awake, his bed across from Sirius. He had trouble remembering his name, so it took a lot of reminders and pauses. _I already have trouble knowing my name, why should I try to remember other's as well? _He thought bitterly. It was hard learning in one night that you did know everyone around you. Sirius told him that it would be ok to go slow in meeting everyone, and if he felt uncomfortable, to tell him.

It did feel nice, he realized, to have an actual bed, and not the hard floor of the dungeon. He fell asleep to that thought, his mind still wandering.

* * *

The next morning, Remus woke up late, feeling better than he had in two months. However, he still felt a twinge of something in his mind. He didn't feel well about "meeting" all the people downstairs. He could hear them, and his heart raced at the sound of everyone.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up, and walked out the bedroom door. He hadn't bothered to change last night, everything had just been too stressful. Walking down the steps, he could hear how quiet everyone got before he walked into the kitchen. Everyone turned to look at him, everyone giving small smiles and polite hello's.

"Good morning, Remus. How are you?" A short kind-looking lady asked him, rubbing his arm. Remus gave the best smile he could, and nodded. "As well as I could be, Mrs" He trailed off, looking at her for a name. The woman looked at him, a bit taken aback before smiling again. "Molly, dear. Call me Molly." Remus nodded, looking at the rest. Sirius was by the counter, drinking a cup of tea with a messy-haired boy with glasses.

"Well, Remus, if you sit down, we will introduce ourselves." Molly led him to the table, sitting him down. He complied, sitting down next to a red-headed boy.

"Well, I'll start. I'm Fred." One of the Red-headed boys said, next to his twin, who smiled at him. "And I'm George. Don't worry, we won't switch on you like everyone else." Remus smiled. "Oh, I think I'll get you switched up on my own." Everyone laughed softly, then a brown-haired girl went next. "I'm Hermione." Remus nodded. Everyone went around, saying their names, getting to the messy-haired boy next to Sirius.

"Harry." the boy said, giving him a sad smile. Remus nodded, going over their names in his head a couple of times to make sure he remembered them. Everyone went back to talking to each other, Sirius sitting on his other side. "Here, mate." He said, handing him a scrapbook.

"It'll help you remember, looking at the pictures." Remus nodded. Standing up, he took the book under an arm. "I think I will look at these privately." He said softly. Sirius looked ready to argue, but a look from Molly silenced him. He walked back upstairs, and sat back down on his bed.

* * *

He looked at the pictures for a long time. A lot of the pictures were of him, and three other boys. One looked very similar to Sirius, he realized, but he didn't think it could be him. Some were of him laughing, a messy haired boy who looked similar to the boy downstairs.

_Harry, _he told himself. _His name is Harry. _But the boy in the pictures wasn't Harry, he knew that. The boy in the pictures was much taller, and was much more lanky.

Another boy looked similar to Peter: one of the people who were staying with the Malfoy family. When he flipped to page to look at more pictures, his head suddenly burst with pain. He dropped the book, clutching his head. Biting his hand to keep from screaming, he curled on the floor, his eyes watering in agony. As he lay on the floor, his head flashed with memories of him back at school. He was with all the people in the pictures, but it seemed different. It seemed as though it happened long ago, and not like it seemed to be a year ago.

He laid on the floor with that thought, as his brain tried to piece the new information together. Once the headache subsided he sat back up, wiping his tear streaked face. He sat there for an hour, his mind racing. No matter how hard he tried, nothing made sence. He just couldn't piece it together. He knew he knew the people in the pictures, but the picture of him and the boy who looked like Sirius made him wonder: _Do I really know them? _

He had no reason to trust them. Though they had treated them kindly, they really did nothing for him to trust them. Though the Malfoy's kept him in the basement, that's all they did. He wasn't harmed, was he? Yeah, he watched a lot of people die. But he didn't know those people.

Yet all the people downstairs- he knew them. It wasn't just because he was told that, he felt it. He couldn't remember how, or where, but he _knew them._

He sat with that thought, and just stared at the book that laid across from him.

* * *

Downstairs, Sirius was sitting at the table, head in his hands. The trio and Ginny had gone back to Hogwarts for the rest of the school year, with Sirius promising Harry that he would try to get Dumbledore to let him stay with him. The twins had gone back to their new home above a shop they bought in Diagon ally. Molly and the rest of the order were discussing Remus, trying to figure out a way to help him.

"Well, we have to go back to the Manor. That's were the pieces of him are most likely to be, unless they moved somewhere else." Sirius stated, looking to Mad-eye.

"We? Sirius, _you _are not going on this mission. _You _are staying here. Both Harry and Remus need you. You've known Remus the longest, so you know him better than anyone." Tonks told him, her hair glowing a tinge of red._  
_

"Tonks is right, Sirius. If we can't manage to get those pieces of him back, then we need to to help him get them back on his own." Kingsley told him. Sirius didn't meet his eyes, but nodded.

"Fine, but the minute you need someone else, then I'm going." Kingsley made a noise of disagreement, about to argue, until Mad-eye held his hand up.

"Only if we need you Sirius. Not if you think we need you." With that, Mad-eye and the rest of the order left.

Sirius stayed at the table, just staring.

* * *

Later, when Molly had made sure to leave Sirius and Remus enough food, she left. Walking up the steps, he was surprised to see Remus sitting on the ground in the hallway. The book lay next to him, open on a page of the last day of their sixth year. Sirius, meeting Remus's eyes, sat down across from him. Remus attempted to give him a small smile.

"Remus, mate, are you ok?" Sirius asked, reaching out to touch Remus's arm. Remus shrugged. "Sirius... is that you in the pictures?" Remus asked, not looking up to Sirius.

_Be cautious. Be slow in helping him remember. Don't go to fast, _Dumbledore had told him. With a sad smile, Sirius tilted Remus chin up.

"Yes. It is you." Sirius told him. Remus nodded. Sirius took a deep breath in.

"I know you want me to remember. I just...can't. It just seems fuzzy inside my mind. I know I'm supposed to have these memories, but I...I can't bring myself to remember." Remus said quietly.

Sirius couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he just sat himself next to Remus, and wrapped an arm around his friend. The two sat there for the rest of the night.

* * *

** What do you guys think? R&R!**


	3. Intelligence

**This_ is a back-story, showing how Remus was caught, and how he lost his first piece-intelligence. _**

* * *

Remus stood off to the side, pretending to read a book. He had his hood on, to not show his face. Across the street was Greyback, along with another death eater. Greyback was standing watch, from what Remus could tell. The other Death Eater had gone in to the shop, and at when the Death Eater sent the shop owner through the window, Remus made his move. He wasn't here to start a battle, he was here to watch. He looked through the window, noting the Death Eater as Dolohov, and watched intently as he looked around at the items, interrogating the shop owner. When Dolohov took out his wand and began to curse the shop owner, Remus moved to step in.

As he moved quickly to Greyback, and began to fight him, he didn't notice the other Death Eater who had been hiding. When he fell to his knees in pain and shock as a curse hit his back, he looked up to Greyback. He felt his body being binded- and his mouth stuck shut. He cursed himself for not being watchful of his surroundings.

"Well, what do we have here?" Dolohov said, walking out of the shop, dragging the shop owner's body with him. Greyback grinned down at Remus.

"Remus Lupin. He's a werewolf, I bit him when he was a child. He's also a member of the Order." Greyback told him, reaching down to grip his chin. Remus yanked his head out of the grip as best as he could- until Greyback gripped his hair, yanking him forward. Dolohov grinned too, tapping Remus's nose with his wand.

"What should we do with him?" the Death Eater behind him asked. "Should we kill him?" Remus tried not to show his fear at that last question.

"No. Let's take him back to the Manor. Bellatrix has been wanting to try something for a while. Now, we have the perfect subject for it." Dolohov said, grinning as he motioned to Greyback. "Knock him out. No need for him to know where we are taking him." With that, Remus felt himself lose conciousness.

* * *

He awoke in a basement of sorts. It was clean, despite the feeling of it not being used in years. There was a few empty trunks here and there, but nothing to big. He had to keep calm- no use in showing fear when it could be used against him. He didn't bother searching for his wand- he knew it wasn't going to be with him. He tried to hear what was going on upstairs- but even his keen sense of hearing couldn't work against the charms they had used to silence the room. Looking around for signs of a separate exit, he tipped over boxes and looked into corners.

Finding nothing, he sighed, leaning against one of the pillars in the room. He knew they would question him when they finally came down, so he was preparing himself for the Cruciatus curse. _It will be just like a regular transformation. _Though he knew it wasn't true- Remus told himself this to lessen the pain he knew he would be receiving. When he heard the sound of footsteps and Bellatrix's laugh, he straightened his spine and glared at the door.

When Bellatrix came down along with Greyback, he just glared harder. She sent a random curse to him, and he fell to the floor in pain. He held in his pain as Greyback gripped his hair to pull him up, holding him in neck lock to meet eyes with Bellatrix. She grinned at him, strocking his face with her wand.

"Remus Lupin. Member of the Order. Werewolf. Got any other titles you want to share?" He glared at her, not responding. Greyback held him tight- Remus was unable to move. Bellatrix ht him with another spell, his eyes closing in pain. He didn't notice the glow of the last ones as he opened his eyes. His eyes turned to ones of terror as he saw Sirius being dragged downstairs.

''Found him near my old place. Didn't think you knew that we knew where he was, did you" Remus couldn't contain his fear at that statement- if they knew something like that, how did he know if they knew anything else? When he locked to Sirius again, they met eyes. Bellatrix looked from Remus to Sirius, and with a flick of her wand, Sirius was killed.

Remus broke. The Death Eater who had brought left, along with Bellatrix and Greyback, leaving Remus sobbing over Sirius. However, to anyone else, Remus was crying over an empty space, the glow that was around him glowing brighter.

The next day, it was the same thing. This time it was Tonks. His heart broke again. He knew thats what they wanted him to feel. Pain. Torture. He didn't want to understand that anymore. He didn't want to know why. So he just let go.

He let go of his intelligence. It wasn't hard. The little green ball just left his head, and flew away, leaving him.

Suddenly, he didn't understand anymore and that made him feel a bit better.

* * *

**What did you guys think? Should I write the next one- Emotions, or should I wait a bit? Tell me!**


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